Nothing Left But This

I make coffee
to kill the boredom
fill the empty mind
jumpstart the heart

I take pills
to escape time
quiet the mind
deaden the heart

I smoke
to avoid time
ponder poisonous thoughts
tighten the heart

I shower
to cleanse the sins
festering in the mind
soothe the burning heart
rinse the blood
from my hands
by my hands

I go to bed
to summon filth
from the mind
make the heart race
and the body ache

So I can sleep.

This Candied Cigarette

I clasp scalding amber tea
in a soggy takeaway cup
This candid conversation
holding me captive
His observations
made bold and rancid

Breathing candyfloss smoke
beneath a gobstopper domed sky
Yellow gumballs of light
spill across the lawn

A car’s smiling headlights,
windscreen wipers bent
in worship to me
Passing people in miniature
like statues on a cake
Strobe light leaves
catch my restless eyes
Parakeet fluorescent flashes
a harsh, repetitive trance

Spun sugar threads turn
to sticky cobweb tendrils, catching
tiny vessels in my lungs
A tree trunk stripped
to it’s rotting core, scarlet
sap oozing through opened scars
My attempts to capture the rainbow, futile
clinging as color spins and dissolves

It’s just a grayscale static image
Cold dregs are all that remain

No, Nurse.

Are you ok?
No.
But there is fucking nothing
anyone can do
So just don’t ask me.

You don’t want
to hear anything
other than yes.
I am just a job to you.
A checkbox.
A piece of paper.

You draw me in
with caring eyes.
But I am discarded
as soon as I walk
out that door.

I disappoint you
with my repeating tears
of torment.
Just a face
in a sea of nutcases.

Your hugs are only skin deep.
My embrace
leaves part of me behind.

She Looked At Me

She wants to weigh herself
but only weighs her sorrows
Heavy as a burdened beast
every step a wrenching strain
Getting nowhere, causing pain
The door swings open with a cry
no ones waiting for her outside
She is a melting candle
dripping acid, it burns
holes in her jeans
now she is trendy in her despair
Her clothes are too constricting anyway
the strait jacket of society
Let her be naked
look at her scars
Stark cold white pink
This is She