Diary Entry 2/2

How did you get footprints on the walls?
Was it while I was sleeping?
Did gravity turn like a rubix cube, leaving me behind?
No one must ever find out. The awfulness within.
If only we could shed our skin.
Hardened bitter scales traded in for vulnerable soft new beginnings.
I’m scared.
I’m separate.
I’m alone.
Paranoia sticks it’s foot in the door. Something wants me to give up.
Dizzy with mental torture.

I wish I could cry.

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Shelter Stolen

Reality slapped me
across the face,
it didn’t stop
until the tears
stung my burning cheeks.

It reached into my gut
and tore the grief
from within.

I want to blame.
I want to hate.

To believe
it was choice,
not heartless fate.

That wrenched us apart
and planted you anew,
while I withered
with no shelter.

No, Nurse.

Are you ok?
No.
But there is fucking nothing
anyone can do
So just don’t ask me.

You don’t want
to hear anything
other than yes.
I am just a job to you.
A checkbox.
A piece of paper.

You draw me in
with caring eyes.
But I am discarded
as soon as I walk
out that door.

I disappoint you
with my repeating tears
of torment.
Just a face
in a sea of nutcases.

Your hugs are only skin deep.
My embrace
leaves part of me behind.

Repel the Rooster

I seek out space
for my expanding skull.
Give me rest
for this body heavy
poisoned like lead.

Cock your head
as I stretch
this broken wing.

Cover your ears
as I strangled sing
a song of sorrow.
A pathetic mating
call you will never hear.

Your pity stains
my sleeves like
spilt tea, a waste
upon a wasteland.

My touch like death
you drop my hand
in sweet abandon.