Eat Me

I’m so hungry
for you, devour me
It’s never enough

Fill the empty ache
as I ride your face
I’ll swallow your depths
a sensual circle of life

You make me write dirty
words I don’t recognize
Fuck these feelings away

I could beg you to come
but I tie myself down
I’ll never ask
but I’ll always want

All of you
please, stay
here inside
me.

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The wind licks behind my knees

I have found my place
On this sun warmed rock
In a magic circle
Above the water

Two white gulls circle above
Two searching eyes
Find me lacking
And move on

A shrinking golden triangle
Pushed down by grey blue cloud
Between green mountains
Pain distracts me

I love you so
The music goes
My heart sings
My stomach sinks

Don’t get stuck in the What If’s
The I Wishes
The If Only’s
Just be here, look around
It’s more than you hoped for

Don’t, Cry.

Stop snapping rubber bands
against my raw skin
I can’t feel anymore

Don’t dunk me in the deep end
the cold shock aches my joints
and steals my strength

Stop clashing dishes
it penetrates my soft temple
you aren’t helping

Don’t take offense
when disgust replaces delight
your presence is grating

Stop I have no patience
for those who can’t see
the black rats gnawing at me

Don’t try to steer straight
it’s all out of alignment
I’m wrestling my way off a cliff

You can only win when there is a risk of losing

I was losing what I had only just gained.
What was a tame Disney bird cradled soft in my hand,
was turning into a vicious crow beating its huge wings against my head,
attempting to take flight and leave me,
scratched and dazed and bleeding in shock.

But I have claws too,
I can fight back, I can stand my ground.

And if that big black bird
blocks out my sun, knocks me back
into the pit

I can climb,
I can always come back.

Be Fri/St End

Once
I was the magnet
for male attention,
in a barren small town, until

This new girl arrived
with her long dark hair,
torn jeans, red scarf
eyeliner all the way round
deep,
dark
brown eyes

A tough exterior held broken insides

I saw her walking, alone
up the steep hill
holding a bottle in a brown paper bag

Now she is surrounded
people competing for the prize
the power of her beauty
a danger she can’t see
We intimidated one another

I came at her sideways

to claim my territory
Feeling threatened
all confused confidence in
black high boots with a sailors mouth

she smoked like James Dean, aloof
Quiet and controlled
but her laugh could animate us all
She never allowed herself to go crazy
I always said too much
I always came out worse off

A mystery I’m yet to solve

Our guard didn’t lower
until we got drunk together

and my glass

slid

down the driveway

shattering at the bottom.

 

I Dare You To Write, Chickenshit

I wear matching underwear
which you will never see.
I used to shave, to be free from shame
but your hairs caught in my teeth.
From virgin swaddling cloth
to proud naked ape, walking tall
as gravity displays it’s rude power.

This lump in my throat
refuses to dislodge, so
I wear it like a velvet choker,

anxiety is the new black.

Diary Entry 2/2

How did you get footprints on the walls?
Was it while I was sleeping?
Did gravity turn like a rubix cube, leaving me behind?
No one must ever find out. The awfulness within.
If only we could shed our skin.
Hardened bitter scales traded in for vulnerable soft new beginnings.
I’m scared.
I’m separate.
I’m alone.
Paranoia sticks it’s foot in the door. Something wants me to give up.
Dizzy with mental torture.

I wish I could cry.