it’s like dreaming

every episode
so real at the time
the senses lie
things shift and move
colors are odd
trauma is felt
running running running
you can’t catch your breath
someone can stab you
penetrate you
and you feel the warm blood
and panic
the best and worst plays out
until reality brings deep grief
and emptiness
seldom relief
for such an intense experience
to be wiped from memory
it takes a part of you
they can’t understand
how you can be so obsessed
with something that never happened
then they complain
that you changed


twisted ankle in the dark

I look at the stars
Your eyes are on the path
If I trip I know you will catch me
But it will be my fault
For not looking where I was going
And one day you will tire of it
I will stumble
You will keep walking
I’ll turn the dirt to mud with my struggle
Obscuring footprints in confusion

Mine stop, yours continue.

Diary Entry 2/2

How did you get footprints on the walls?
Was it while I was sleeping?
Did gravity turn like a rubix cube, leaving me behind?
No one must ever find out. The awfulness within.
If only we could shed our skin.
Hardened bitter scales traded in for vulnerable soft new beginnings.
I’m scared.
I’m separate.
I’m alone.
Paranoia sticks it’s foot in the door. Something wants me to give up.
Dizzy with mental torture.

I wish I could cry.

I am the Tar, Baby

I have tainted this place
with my depression
Painted it with sticky black tar
suffocating the once glowing white room

Put a bitter taste in the air
heaviness collapsing
this shelter inwards
Like a slow poisoning
a dark possession
It struggles to fight

I hang on to the
small white patch
of hope, yet untouched
I try to clean the thickening walls
searching for the future
beneath the present

It sticks to my hands
and climbs my arms
Reaching strong black ropes
up around my throat

My skin can’t breathe
I can’t breathe

It has consumed me

In my screaming hair

Like bats tangled
in my screaming hair
Wait for the knots
to become a nest
They took up residence
in my head

The harsh rush of air
from leathery boned wings
in my ears
They drink greedily
from my streaming eyes

Feed on the blood
from my bitten lips
and tattered fingernails
as I try to tear them
from my hair

My hands grasp air.